An Ode to Todd Jones: Save Machine

In a world of 98 mph fastballs, knee-buckling curves and darting splitters, one man has survived 15 seasons on guts, guile, and a middling repertoire of average pitches.

That man, Tigers closer Todd Jones, has accumulated 301 career saves–including 115 in the last three seasons–earning himself the title of the Save Machine while maintaining a stunningly mediocre 3.93 career ERA and an unsightly 1.40 WHIP. When the bullpen door swings open and Christian rock (he has unfortunately eschewed the Counting Crows classic “Mr. Jones”) starts blaring from the PA system, batters feel a little tinkle run down their legs and women around the country feel their shirts get a little tighter as the mustachioed closer with the refrigerator repairman’s physique trots to the mound to slam the door for the Tigers.

Being a loyal Jones owner in fantasy leagues over the last few years, I have not only reaped the benefits of his gaudy save totals but also felt the intense adrenaline rush of watching him close out one run games in the 9th by loading the bases and recording the last out on a diving catch of a laser beam in the gap by one of his outfielders. Todd Jones lives on the edge, he attacks hitters, he plays for keeps. Young hotshots like Joel Zumaya and Fernando Rodney have been slated to unseat him as closer but have failed thus far because these fireballers, unlike Jones, have not learned how to stay healthy by throwing in the mid-80s and using the law of averages, rather than plus stuff, to produce outs. You can draft Papelbon, or Nathan, or Rivera, or Putz and sit calmly at your computer or tv when he enters the game expecting a 1-2-3 inning…or you can take the Save Machine and pace the room drenched in sweat with a 32 oz Captain and Coke during a 38 minute bottom of the 9th. It’s a no-brainer for this fantasy owner. Watching the Save Machine practice his craft is like watching Steven Seagal act or watching Joe Cocker sing–it ain’t pretty but it gets the job done and afterwards you feel completely exhausted and a little turned on.

Not only is he an artist on the mound, he is also a contributor for The Sporting News with Pulitzer Prize winning potential and his column has become a must read for true baseball fans. Here’s hoping that this year’s stacked Tiger’s offense gives the Save Machine a shot at 50 saves. He might need 65 chances to get there, but that’s where the fun lies. I look forward to drafting him in my fantasy leagues, strapping in, and enjoying the 6 month roller-coaster.

Todd Jones: Save Machine, I salute you!