Jon Miller: Prototypical HOF Wingman

Jon Miller, radio voice of the San Francisco Giants and play-by-play man for ESPN’s Sunday Night Baseball, is much more than a silky mic guy…his obvious potential as a world-class wingman has gone unnoticed for far too long…

A quick glance at his background reveals that Jon has all the basics required of a good wingman: He’s educated (College of San Mateo – Go Bulldogs!). He’s cultured (prone to quoting Shakespeare during broadcasts). And he’s got some unique experiences (former radio man for the NHL’s California Golden Seals, 10 national World Series radio broadcasts, calling Barry Bonds’ record breaking 756th homerun ). Clearly, he’s a guy who can hold his own in any conversation, so you know you aren’t going to have to worry about awkward silences while you’re busy not making eye contact with your mark…Better leave the small talk to Big Jon.

Speaking of conversation, the man’s got a Burgandy-esque baritone that could make a wolverine purr, no doubt mellowed by 30 years of drinking only the finest of the brown liquors. In fact, Jon’s voice is so smooth that one would be advised to keep any potential ladyfriends from getting too comfortable with him…even a seemingly harmless explanation of the infield fly rule could have her sweating Jon and leaving you alone for the night. Again.

Jon was also blessed with the natural good looks that most of us can only wish that our cosmetic surgeons could deliver.

Along with possessing desirable features, Mr. Miller has a nice sense of personal style. Nothing too flashy, nothing over the top. Well-tailored suits. A watch that screams success, but in an understated, unpretentious way. Jon’s appearance has come a long way since the early 1970s (forward to the 1:19 mark). Now, he’s very clearly a put together, nonthreatening wingman that you can send in confidently, knowing that your wife-for-the-night’s horrible friend isn’t going to throw a drink in his face and then not so politely tell him to leave them alone because it’s “Girls’ Night.” Hopefully you won’t ask him to fall on too many grenades.

So by now we know that Jon’s got the looks, the personality, and the charm to succeed as your wingman. But that’s not even his strongest suit. No, Jon Miller’s greatest asset as a wingman is his completely unselfish attitude and approach towards his craft, be it broadcasting or helping a drunk friend bottom feed at the local cougar den.

For example, let’s discuss Jon’s flawless work at tonight’s MLB Presidential Opener in Washington, DC. Literally, within 10 seconds of coming on the air, John is already deflecting attention away from himself, and towards his good friend, Hall of Fame Second Baseman Joe Morgan. You did know that Joe was in the Hall of Fame, right? Anyway, Miller’s very first lines of the season went something like “It’s opening night here at the magnificent new Nationals Park, and I’m here with Hall of Famer Joe Morgan.” Jon Miller’s loyalty runs so deep, you can bet he actually felt bad mentioning the new $611 million facility before his good friend, who’s a member of professional baseball’s Hall of Fame. He’s going to talk you up whenever the opportunity presents itself; he only says enough about himself to keep the listener just interested enough. He also remained incredibly poised while balancing time in the booth between President Bush and the Hall of Famer from the Cincinnati Reds. That, my friends, is exactly the type of levelheadedness you want in an above-average wingman, especially when he has watched you crash and burn repeatedly over the course of the night. Jon Miller’s selfless conversation is exactly what you need to talk a girl into coming home with you, especially at the point in the night when you’re sure that she looks like this…

When this is actually more like it:

Whatever, Jon’s cool enough to not burst your bubble by pointing out that minor detail. He just wants you to have a good time. Just take it easy on the Wild Turkey next time.

While I’m sure I could write hundreds, if not thousands, more words espousing the worth of Jon Miller’s potential as a wingman, I don’t think that would be necessary. He’s the ultimate team player, the Iceman to your Maverick, and a shoo-in to be a first ballot Wingman Hall of Famer. If you ever find yourself staring down a hot chick in a bar, department store, AA meeting, or free health clinic, pray that Jon Miller, and not Joe Buck or Tim McCarver, is the closest baseball broadcasting personality. Good luck and happy hunting.