• “Legendary”/future centerfielder/3rd best SS in NY
• .325 OBP wiz OF on the worst team in the AL East
• #~10 1B/concussbot real Canadian canadian
• one hit wonder from the north
• Prospect C aka “bust of the century”
• Constantly underachieving 3B on the worst team in baseball
• #1 pitcher from 2003 draft
• 15/30 OF with a .320 OBP

And those are the best 8 options.  phew.

#1 Justin Morneau

Justin Morneau is wisely prepping for his career following his next concussion.  What a pussy.  I thought Canadian canadians were supposed to be tough.  Closer investigation revealed his gf/wife/slampiece is not bad looking, so he is probably gay.  wife

#2 Jose Bautista

Is this guy for real?  What is with that beard.  Here is a link to Jose Bautista’s player page

#3 Ryan Zimmerman

This looks a lot worse with Bautista already capable of filling the 3B spot.  And he is about 1/2 as good.  Oooooooo, defense.  Whatever.  Here is generally what I think of Ryan Zimmerman.

Huge dropoff after the top 3.

Pick the next three out of a hat and have fun finishing in 7th place:

Jones – 3 OF I would rather have?  Carlos Lee, Jason Bay, Michael Bourn.  Oh yeah, and they all suck.

Santana – will his arm fall off?  75% yes.  And his team sucks.  Terrible.  F.

Jeter – ahahhhahahahhaaha

Wieters – invented AIDS

Victorino – see Jones, Adam, above, add some counting stats, subtract some talent.

Ryan Franklin > Chad Qualls

Kershaw not as awesome as last year (but still pretty good)

Brett Gardner 50+ SB

MonterosMorningWood – will finish 10th

The Nationals also managed to finally win a game last night, probably because they didn’t have Lastings and his .231 OBP at the top of the lineup.

Smile for the camera, and try not to let any of that massive lipper dribble out.

Turtle Power:

Pierre may have wisely changed his pic, but sooner or later Leonardo and Michelangelo are going to track him down.

Let’s Blaze:

Check out what happens when you sell Adam Jones, Ryan Wagner, and Jorge Sosa bad pot. You cut your hair and grow a dirty beard as a disguise. We’re on to your games, Swisher:

Filming has begun on a documentary about C.C. Sabathia’s 2007 Cy Young campaign, starring Forest Whittaker:

Double and triple chins, possibly separated at birth:

This should not look like the face of a noted Met killer:

When wearing a thong’s not enough of a slump buster, slap on a dirtstache:

If you’re being paid major league money, it’s OK to stop going to Supercuts:

That means you also don’t need to wear your hair in pigtails:

And perhaps the best of them all…………..

The never even good enough to be overrated uber-talented Mr. Gene Watson!

Well, Lastings did not like the fact that RA Dickey Dicks dropped him, and his tears certainly softened his performance. Our favorite 23-year-old has continued to slump. He’s now on pace to hit .252 with a .322 OBP, only 4 HRs, among 40 Extra Base hits, with 61 Runs Scored, 45 RBIs, and 12 steals, along with 106 ks and 45 walks.  (PS- his signature looks resembles a 4-year-olds) He’ll need to get hot soon if he’s going to make baseball people say the deal that sent Ryan Church and Brian Schneider to the Mets was a poor decision by Omar Minaya. Church is currently the Mets best hitter as Carlos Beltran, Carlos Delgado, and David Wright continue to slump, while Jose Reyes is not living up to his best with the bat. Schneider, meanwhile, is handling the pitching staff well, and has been successful throwing out baserunners. 

-Lastings Milledge will be the next NFL franchise in Los Angeles. They/He will start play in 2015.

2. Gene Watson has a lot of angry fans that come to his defense. Many of them look like this. I listened to some of his music last night, having never heard of him and downloaded a couple songs. It’s OK. Don’t see why anyone would get so riled up though. Plus, I was responding to this guy and assumed that he was actually referring to this obscure Gene Watson.

3. Apparently, I am depressedand need extra prozac. That was a funny comment. Please keep the anonymous psychiatric diagnoses coming in the future, and don’t hesitate to send me the scripts.

4. I just want to bring this up again about our lame duck president. He’s good at one thing, and it has nothing to do with politics.

5. It really sucks when you pick up a closer for saves, he finally picks one up after two weeks of waiting and then this happens. It also sucks to use your #1 waiver priority on fantasy baseball’s most hyped mancrush since Alex Gordon in 2007, Max Scherzer, and then have him put together an OK first start, only to have the statisticians decide that an error wasn’t an error after the fact, and make all the runs earned. That’s an ERA killer, even if he is only 8+ innings into his MLB career.

6. Why is the price of beer at Shea now $8 for a 12 oz bottle? That really pisses me off. Almost as much as the sea of Jorts, socks with tevas, and old Piazza jerseys. Why is it that Mets fans are the easiest to stereotype? After a year in which the Mets collapsed historically, you’d think the fanbase would lose some of the relics and in order to draw fans back, management would lower the price of beer and tickets. I don’t actually know if ticket prices went up because the post-season package that I paid for in September paid for my tickets out of the totally unused portion, but I assume prices went up. They still give the best lines in the little “be courteous” video to David Wright (“Metsfans are the greatest fans in the world”), with a close second to Jose Reyes (“Hello!”) and Johan Santana (“Enjoy the game”). Unrelated, why have they cut my favorite intra-inning segment, Spanish with Professor Reyes?

7. Looking back at the Worst Team Ever post, I should probably have qualified that by saying he could be good for the first 3 weeks of the season. I still think that team is awful, even a 16 team league. I can only imagine that having 6 closers (when Smoltz comes back) in a 16 team league means that you’re short on wins and Ks pretty soon. Also, haven’t you heard Kenny Lofton won’t be signed this season because the owners got together and said so.

8. I should revisit my Best Picks 2008 post a few times this season, so here are some thoughts on that. Best Picks: Aaron Harang/Chipper Jones/Miguel Tejada (7th), Matt Kemp (8th), Pat Burrell (9th), I’ll eat my worst here, GEOVANY SOTO (10th), Edwin Encarnacion (11th), Adam Wainwright (12th), Rick Ankiel (13th), Yunel Escobar (14th), Justin Upton (15th), Joey Votto (16th), Nick Johnson/Brandon Lyon (17th), Nate McLouth (18th), Conor Jackson (19th), Zack Greinke (20th), Shaun Marcum (21st), Jon Rauch (22nd), Ervin Santana (23rd – Jair Jurrjens was a not too distant 2nd this late), Edinson Volquez (24th).

Worst Picks: Gary Sheffield (7th), Jorge Posada (8th), Rich Hill (9th), Andruw Jones (10th), Phil Hughes/Manny Corpas (11th), Jeremy Bonderman (12th), JJ Hardy/Lastings Milledge (13th), Josh Fields (14th), Khalil Greene (15th), Franklin Morales (16th), Ian Kennedy (17th), Travis Buck/Scott Rolen (18th), Asdrubal Cabrerea (19th). There are too many worst picks to count in rounds 20-24 since those rounds were a crapshoot anyway.

9. Best Free Agent Pickups of 2008, so far (this list is likely to change): Ryan Church, Fred Lewis, Ryan Dempster, Mike Jacobs, Xavier Nady (although, I doubt he’s on this list in August), Cliff Lee, and Jonathan Sanchez (only because he was turned into 1/3rd of Curtis Granderson).

10. We should compile a list of Best Sports Moments of all time. For instance, minute 59:25 of Super Bowl XLII (Manning floats it up to Burress in the endzone), Johnny Damon’s grandslam in the second inning of Game 7 of the 2004 ALCS that put the Red Sox in control, Mookie Wilson’s ground ball through Bill Buckner’s legs, or Joe Carter’s Walk off HR in Game 6 of the 1993 World Series.

Feel fee to suggest sports moments in the comments.

Today we salute you, Mr. Anonymous Angry Blog Reactor Guy.

(Mr. Anonymous Angry Blog Reactor Guy)

You alone must protect your opinions at all cost… by furiously banging them out on the keyboard.

(Let’s check out who insulted Gene Watson today? HE’S GOT A LOT OF NERVE. Who cares what his blog’s about anyway?)

While you sit in your mother’s basement, you make sure you play the part. Sweatpants? Check. Plumber’s crack? Check. Heaping plate of jalapeno poppers? Check.  

(Maaa! The meatloaf!?!?!?!)

The only thing standing in your way from anonymous glory is the pesky enter button you hit so hard it ended up behind the couch.

(It’s OK, who needs paragraphs? CAPS-lock will demonstrate my superior grammar.)

So crack open a bud light, because in all likelihood, your Dad just came home so you could use a buzz while he yells at your fat ass for being worthless. And he probably just ate your meatloaf.

(Mr. Anonymous Angry Blog Reactor Guy)

2. Nate McLouth is good, but his stats in the first month or so are obnoxious. He’s on pace to score 150 Runs, hit 44 HRs and drive in 136 (!!) while stealing only 15 bases. The RBI totals are impossible if he continues hitting leadoff for any team, and unlikely hitting anywhere in the Pirates lineup. He’s certainly shown power trending up and good plate discipline in the minors, but 9 home runs is more than he hit in full seasons from 2002-2006. And 2006 is his only season with less than 20 SBs. I think it’s safe to expect a big dropoff in the rate of HRs and RBIs going forward and a big uptick in steals.

3. Joey Votto like to hit the ball hard. I like this guy; he looked good last year, and I’m happy I picked him in the draft. He’s not going to hit more than 20+ HRs this year, though and might not ever have another 3 HR game.

4. Jonathan Sanchez is west-coast Oliver Perez. He will put together stretches that make you say “Wow, how does this guy not win 20 games with circa 1997-2005 Pedro Martinez-level stats?” and then he’ll follow that up with a 2+ inning 7 ER, 7 walk blowup that makes you say “how did this guy get past single-A?” If you have him on your team, that’s what you signed up for. Obviously, that’s the same deal with Oliver Perez.

5. Andruw Jones might actually be this bad. Last year, he tried to blame his atrocious season on losing weight to get in shape for his contract year. This year, he gained weight, looks fat, and resembles a weak minor leaguer at the plate.

6. Cliff Lee isn’t this good. Sorry. No one does an extended period of games without giving up more than 1 run per 9 innings. Cliff Lee is not Steve Nebraska.

7. Jair Jurrjens and Edinson Volquez, respectively, might be the best combine 23rd and 24th round picks ever taken. (On a related note, I was certainly wrong at this point to call Ervin Santana the worst pick of the 23rd round.) Only one other 24th rounder deserves any consideration this year – Mark Reynolds. While I don’t think Edinson Volquez pulls off the magical “my ERA is lower than my 1.30 WHIP” season because I don’t think that’s possible, he seems like a legit, consistent pitcher for the future of the Reds, even if he allows more than 1 earned run in a start one of these days. Jurrjens has been terrific as a rookie, really giving the Braves the opportunity to compete while Smoltz, Hampton and Glavine have missed time due to injuries.

8. Speaking of the Braves, I might hate Larry “the Met-Killer” Jones, but the guy does nothing but hit. He is probably the most likely player since Tony Gwynn to have a shot at hitting .400. Plus if he stays healthy (huge if), he has the very real ability to hit 40+ HRs.

9. Mike Napoli hits nothing but bombs. The guy might not play every day (so he can’t hurt your AVG/OBP too much and he won’t drive in more than 60 runs or so), but when he does, it seems like he’s a lock to hit a bomb. So far this season he’s hit a HR once every 8.25 ABs. In his last 6 games, he’s hit 4 HRs. The only reason that he isn’t playing every day is that his defense is suspect. However, at what point does the organization bring up an extra catcher and give him the the DH job?

10. Staying along the catcher line, I think GEOVANY SOTO is this good. He’s looks like the next coming of Mike Piazza at the plate, without the 30-40 HR pop. I still think the 10th round was too early to take him in the draft, but he’s playing like a 5th rounder.

11. Barry Zito’s stats last night looked better than he pitched. He threw 99 pitches through 5 innings, but only 58 strikes, and struck out 5. He might have only given up 2 runs, but his defense bailed him out with some fantastic plays down the lines (that you only needed to watch Sportscenter to find out). I still wouldn’t waste a roster spot on him.

Bonus Thoughts:

12. Gene Watson is a second rate country singer at best. He’s got nothing on Kenny Chesney, Toby Keith, Tim McGraw, or Dierks Bentley.

13. Gene Watson is too obscure a reference to be cool.

Behind both Corey Hart and Nick Markakis.

Mustache had OK keepers, excluding Orlando Cabrera, but his draft was hampered by looming med school exams. His LA bias was apparent from the very first pick: Brad Penney at the 3rd pick in the 7th round. Then came questionable picks Mike Lowell in the 8th and James Loney in the 9th. Trevor Hoffman in the 10th was a decent spot, but hasn’t worked out, and Tim Hudson in the 11th seems early, but was reasonable nonetheless. Troy Glaus in the 12th was certainly better than Carlos Delgado. Joe Borowski’s suckitude doesn’t help the team, Ivan Rodriguez needs the roids back to have a decent OBP. The best pick of the draft for Mustache is looking like Gary Matthews Jr at 15th. Aubrey Huff in the 23rd is decent value, as I’m sure someone could use his 70/20/70 off waivers. Penny is looking decent so far, but was certainly rounds early. This team is in 13th as of May 5th, and doesn’t look like it’s getting stronger.

Cy Hughes’ draft went better, and he’s not far from 8thin the league currently on the strength of his power. The draft addressed some key weaknesses from last year, taking Brian McCann in the 7thto fill catcher with a rebounding good hitter, Saito in the 8th and then Todd Helton in his continued fall from All-Star-dom in the 9th. Rafael Soriano in the 10thhurts with the injury that can’t seem to heal and Phil Hughes can’t heal his control (1:1 K:BB ratio). Jeremy Bonderman looks as bad as he did last August and September to start but was better in his last start, but lacking Ks (only 18 in 35 innings). Justin Upton in the 15th looks like one of the best picks of the draft through April, although if Mark Reynolds can keep it up, he’ll be up there as the second to last pick of the draft.

Angry Anteaters has turned in one of the more surprisingly solid first months, as he’s sitting in 8th with a huge improvement from last year, led by his pitching. Although John Smoltz won’t stay healthy, the core of Dan Haren, Josh Beckett, Javier Vazquez and Chien-Ming Wang is looking solid.  Saves will be an issue with only Isringhausen as a closer, but he might pick up Smoltz as a closer as well.  Hitting looks like it will be weak, but pitching can hold up for a middle of the run finish, which is certainly an improvement over last year’s sub-30 point performance. Tom Gorzelanny will likely prove to be the best value in his draft, but certainly hasn’t been to this point. Richie Sexson is having a surprise non-disaster of a season.

McJunk’s Prediction:

While none of these teams will be contenders this year, Cy Hughes and Angry Anteaters have laid groundwork to compete in the future, or at least Cy Hughes looked like it had before he traded away one of his keepers Granderson for a trio of pitchers that won’t likely be keeper quality. Francisco Liriano’s weak spring and demotion hurts, as track records tend to show that Tommy John typically takes a full year of pitching (2 years of recovery) before the pitcher is back to his previous level of dominance and endurance. Anteaters will need a good hitting draft next year, or a great pickup this year to really be in strong competitive shape.

LASTINGS MILLEDGE is slowly losing the right to have his name capitalized. In his first 468 major league at bats (2006-2008), he has only 12 home runs. This year he has gone 31 for 118 (.263 avg) with 9 walks (.331 OBP), 10 extra base hits (1 home run), 15 runs scored, 11 RBIs, 3 steals with a 50% success rate, 22 Ks, and a .695 OPS. That projects over 600 ABs to 158 hits, 76 Runs, 5 HRs, 56 RBIs, 46 walks, 112 Ks, 15 SBs with 15 CS. Maybe Terrence Long wasn’t the right guy to compare him, maybe more accurately David DeJesus. Also, check out LASTINGS MILLEDGE in his striped shirt while he busts a rhyme. He’s both cool and tough.

-Trees dream of one day becoming a Lastings Milledge bat.

McJunk’s take: This is the first midseason big name trade of the season. It seems that Lecherous Goldenberg will take a little bit of a hit to his pitching staff as he gives up his best pitcher to date (Wainwright) so he’ll have to hope Lackey is good when he comes off the DL. In my opinion though, Cy Hughes is giving up too much in Granderson to not get back a clear keeper. Wainwright won’t strike out enough guys to be top rung starter and Jonathan Sanchez is risky to say the least. There are days that he can be lights out, like Oliver Perez when his stuff works, and there are days that he could be atrocious, like, well, Oliver Perez is once every 3 starts. Only time will tell, but I would give the nod to Lecherous Goldenberg as getting the better end of this trade.

Beginning with Yahoo “Expert” Douche-analysts man-crush, Corey Hart, Pink posted a very line in the first 3 rounds by taking Jeff Francoeur and noted Met-killer Burrell the turn at the 8th and 9th. Then, not really in need of many more bats, Pink turned to the mound adding Jered Weaver (10th), Joakim Soria (11th), Jonathan Broxton (13th), Jeremy Accardo (15th), Ian Kennedy (17th), and Rafael Perez (19th). Kennedy was notably terrible and has been dropped and Accardo is no longer the closer. Perez just hasn’t been very good. Derrick Turnbow (22nd) and Juan Cruz (23rd) have been dropped.

Other middle round picks of note include Jhonny Peralta (12th), Ryan Garko (14th), Chase Headley (16th), Andre Ethier (18th).  

Best Pick: Andre Ethier (18th). While Matt Kemp was the sexier pick going in the 10 rounds earlier, he andJuan Pierre are battling it out for playing time while Ethier has quietly been the strongest player in the outfield as he takes walks that Matt Kemp, Juan Pierre and Andruw Jones do not. Through April 27th, Ethier’sstats are better than the rest of the outfield that went by round 11.

Worst Pick: Jeremy Accardo (15th). Why take a guy that’s sure to lose his job as closer by July at the latest whn there are full time closers left on the board? He lost the job by April 20th and now is pretty much useless on a fantasy team. Notable runner-up: Chase Headley (16th). Yes huge upside, but when will he play in the majors? There really aren’t terrible picks after the 18th round or so, but this was a reach. However, the pick facilitated the name change, so it’s only a runner-up.

McJunk’s Prediction:

Pink’s strong keeper core that includes Chase “superman” Utley, YOVANI GALLARDO (who Pink is keeping on a rehab assignment by not activating him from the DL despite 2 strong starts), a slumping Ryan Braun who needs some major UofM slumpbuster action, and the trio of Adrian Gonzalez, Brandon Webb and “Hot Karl” Crawford, who will all do damage.

The infield of Gonzalez, Utley, Peralta, Braun and a catcher will be offset low OBPs from Peralta and the catcher with Chase Utley’s heroics, while Braun will go back to mashing after he finds the right land monster slampiece in a Miami bar. The outfield of Hot Carl, Corey Hart, Jeff Francoeur and Pat Burrell is going to provide a solid number of HRs and SBs.

Pitching will be a little more suspect. Outside of GALLARDO and Webb, the starters are a little rag-tag with Brian Bannister (undrafted), Jered Weaver and John Danks (undrafted). The bullpen will be very good if Saito loses his closer job, but it might be time to give up on Accardo and Perez. Soria will continue to be a very solid source of saves.

In the draft, Da Jesus was hurt by some early season demotions and a few selections that seemed early. Raul Ibanez in the 10th round seemed too high, but his early season production so far has made the pick seem reasonable. Evan Longoria (11th) and Josh Fields (14th) were both sent to AAA to start the season, which hurt for the first couple of weeks until Longoria was recalled.

The pitching staff, even after trading away Harang, is in OK shape with Hamels, Shields, Jeff Francis, and Gregg Maddux. The reliever core is headed by Jose Valverde and Brad Lidge. Hopefully, Valverde can hang on to his job.

The infield of Joe Mauer, Mark Teixeira, Rickie Weeks, Tulo, and Longoria looks good, and should look better next year when Teixeira is tossing on a New York uniform. The outfield, with Grady Sizemore, Bobby Abreu, Raul Ibanez, and some utility guys shows some decent power/OBP potential. Outside of Weeks and Sizemore, the speed on this team is inconsistent. I don’t know how many steals to count on from Abreu and Longoria, but I wouldn’t expect more than 30 between the 2 of them.

The late round crap shoot of players has been decimated already: Slowey was dropped, Rajai Davis was included in the Harang trade and subsequently dropped, Moylan looks done for the season, and Aaron Hill was traded for Akinori Iwamura. Corey Patterson looks destined for the bench, Adam LaRoche has been dropped, same with Bob Howry. Jose Guillen has looked terrible, and Josh Fields has been dropped. That leaves only Maddux and Francis from the final 10 round still on the team. It’s difficult to win much that way, but Da Jesus has made terrific waiver wire moves to get his team to 7th place thus far in the season.

Best Pick: In the draft: Greg Maddux, 20th. Honorable mention for Jayson Werth and Micah Owings off waivers as of the end of April.

Worst Pick: JJ Hardy in the 13th. Hardy has been a terrible disappointment, and he looks like he might have been a one half wonder for the first half of 2007.

McJunk’s prediction:

Da Jesus seems like he’s playing a little over his head right now, but not too much. I think he finishes in the 7th-8th area with around 75 points. Overall, the draft was pretty good up through the 12th round and very weak following that round.

Here’s to you, Mr. Short, Scrappy, White Middle-Infielder/Utilityman. You have more guts and grit than men twice your size. Being physically gifted is no match for your scrappiness.

Although you probably won’t hit 10 HR in the Post-Steroid era, you always take the extra base. Nobody sprints harder down the line on weak, routine groundballs to SS.

You are that average white guy that other average whiteguys want to be. So Here’s to you Mr. Short, Scrappy, White Middle-Infielder/Utilityman.

David Eckstein SS:

Willie Bloomquist UTL:

• 5’11, 195 lbs (give me a break)
• Career Stats – 6 HR, .328 SLG

Dustin Pedroia 2B:

• 5’9, 180 lbs (dripping wet, on stilts)
• 11 HR, 10 SB, in 3 seasons

Ryan Theriot SS:

• 5’11, 175 lbs
• 7 HR, 45 SB in 228 Games

Aaron Miles UTL:

• 5’8, 185 lbs.
• 12 HR, 20 SB, .357 career slugging

Mike Fontenot UTL:

• 5’8, 170 lbs
• 4 HR, 6 SB

Jamey Carroll UTL:

• 5’9, 170 lbs
• 9 HR, 30 SB in 7 Seasons

Craig Counsell UTL:

• 6’0, 168 lbs
• 35 Bombs, 45 swipes in 13 seasons