Real Men of Genius: Mr. Anonymous Angry Blog Reactor Guy

Today we salute you, Mr. Anonymous Angry Blog Reactor Guy.

(Mr. Anonymous Angry Blog Reactor Guy)

You alone must protect your opinions at all cost… by furiously banging them out on the keyboard.

(Let’s check out who insulted Gene Watson today? HE’S GOT A LOT OF NERVE. Who cares what his blog’s about anyway?)

While you sit in your mother’s basement, you make sure you play the part. Sweatpants? Check. Plumber’s crack? Check. Heaping plate of jalapeno poppers? Check.  

(Maaa! The meatloaf!?!?!?!)

The only thing standing in your way from anonymous glory is the pesky enter button you hit so hard it ended up behind the couch.

(It’s OK, who needs paragraphs? CAPS-lock will demonstrate my superior grammar.)

So crack open a bud light, because in all likelihood, your Dad just came home so you could use a buzz while he yells at your fat ass for being worthless. And he probably just ate your meatloaf.

(Mr. Anonymous Angry Blog Reactor Guy)

 

 

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Real Men of Genius: Mr. Short, Scrappy, White Middle-Infielder/Utilityman

Here’s to you, Mr. Short, Scrappy, White Middle-Infielder/Utilityman. You have more guts and grit than men twice your size. Being physically gifted is no match for your scrappiness.

Although you probably won’t hit 10 HR in the Post-Steroid era, you always take the extra base. Nobody sprints harder down the line on weak, routine groundballs to SS.

You are that average white guy that other average whiteguys want to be. So Here’s to you Mr. Short, Scrappy, White Middle-Infielder/Utilityman. Continue reading

Real Men of Genius III

Today, we salute you, Mr. Fragile Outfielder that Gets Paid like a Star. Here’s to you, Moises Alou, Cliff Floyd, Dave Roberts, JD Drew and Jim Edmonds. Somehow, you can’t find a way to stay healthy, but for those 50 games a year when you are – WOW, you show glimpses of stardom. So what if that isn’t enough to earn you an all-star appearance because you rarely play more than 10 games before voting is completed. So what if your season is hampered by nagging injuries that make you limp around like a you’re 25 years older than you are and got shot in the knee in Vietnam. So what if your season stats are simply below average when your per healthy game played averages look like A-Rod or Ryan Braun.

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Real Men of Genius: Worthless SB Specialists

Here’s to Mr. Slap Hitter, .296 OBP, 35 Stolen Base guy.

Although your pathetic hitting stats are a big drag on your teams overall production, your fantasy value is priceless.

So what if your OPS is less than .650? You were 35/55 in SB attempts.

So here’s to you Mr. Juan Pierre, Dave Roberts, and Willy Taveras. May your legacy last forever.

juan-pierre.jpg

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Real Men of Genius

Today, we salute you, Mr. Useless Major League Baseball Catcher. If you had a catcher whose career OPS was .751, has only hit more than 13 HRs in any season (averaging 7 HRs per year since 2001) and provides shoddy defense, would you enjoying watching that player on your favorite team? More to the point, what if his defense included increased percentages of successful basestealing attempts (catching less than 30% of attempted basestealers since 2003)? Continue reading